Last night I was tired pretty early so I went to bed around 9 and turned on Oprah. Maria Shriver was the guest and she was there to promote her new book, Just Who Will You Be.
She talked candidly about growing up in the "fairytale" family that she did, her relationship with her mother, her marriage and her career. She told how when Arnold ran for Governor of CA she had to leave her job and how she felt lost and uncertain for a long time after that. The book is about her finding herself again. Or as she put it, trying to figure out what she wants to be when grows up.
I found it refreshing to find that someone who has spent a lifetime in the spotlight and always appears to have it together and a perfect life struggles with the same issues that the rest of us do. I have been struggling with the same issue for some time. I feel lost. I need to learn to say no and I need to learn to stand up for myself and for what I want. I too often find myself putting myself. It's what a mother is supposed to do right? I have a tendency to let people tell me what I need to do and I have a hard time saying this is what I want and this is what I am going to do. I guess it comes from a fear of losing the people I love if I don't do and say exactly what it is they want me to. That's not ok.
I don't want anyone to think that I am unhappy. I'm not. I have a great husband that loves me, a beautiful smart daughter that I have a great relationship with. I have an awesome close family, even though the all live on the other side of the country and I don't see them that much. I have an amazing group of friends who are loving and supportive. I have a job that I like with people that I enjoy being around. But I still feel that something is missing. I often feel stuck. I don't know what I want to be or do when I grow up.
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